I am tired. Sleeping is not my friend... apparently. But I've stayed on top of my assignments, and my english professor even told me that I was impressive. I know he didn't mean it as... encouragingly... as I interpreted it... He probably didn't mean ANYTHING by it, but it was a hella good sign to me that doing my work pays off. I wonder if I could live off of like 4-5 hours of sleep a night. I'm sure I could. Lots of people do it, right?

I also wonder how long I can get away without taking any of my meds. Day two has passed and I don't feel all that bad. I wonder how bad I could let it get. It sounds like an intriguing game to play. And I just got a really weird cramp. OH MY GOD. ... Ok, even though that wasn't part of tonight's scheduled performance... I think I just killed my leg. I'm not sure I could fully explain, or even know, what just happened.

Moving on... My English class is pretty amazing. Tuesday we talked about Hermeneutic circles and transcending the limitations of speech and sensory applications as providing the means of understanding life. Though not necessarily life as a whole, though that was one main issue, but more Reality, Truth, and the Divine. Today we discussed Flannery O'Connor's "Parker's Back" using Post-Modern/Deconstruction literary theory mixed in with the newer Christian Theory. I didn't think that I would enjoy the class, because it's such a small group I actually have to participate. But in reality it gives me more of a chance to develop my ideas. Like I was the only one who addressed the main themes and symbolism in the story at all. Every one else was like "I don't like Sarah Ruth" and I was all "Well I think the underlying theme of dissatisfaction combined with Parker's vanity as it progressed was intriguing." Haha! Ok, so I'm a bit lame. But that's when the professor came up to me after class and said that he regretted that we didn't get to discuss my theme more because that was what pushed the story on. And we talked for like ten minutes about the class and O'Connor's works. I think I might love that class.

Ok, I should go to bed or something. I feel incomplete today. Impending doom activate. I should not be lonely. I like school... I like the focus it gives my mind. It takes me away from my own thoughts and fills my head with interesting ideas. Like reformulated fuel isn't sold past the boundaries of Washington County. It stops at Fond u Lac county because they're not considered part of the Milwaukee metropolitan area. And we're in the third attempt at reformulated fuel because the first two versions were too toxic. Also in order to produce enough ethanol fuel it would take the entire United States' corn production per year... as well as the production rate conversion is like 1:1.25 so you would only yield 1/4 more than you started with. Not efficient. Or Impact = Population X Affluence X Technology. See? School makes me distracted. But today I feel off. Maybe it's because no one's here tonight. I hate coming home to a dark house and going to bed without talking to any one. Or maybe it's because I just want to know everything will be alright. It will, won't it? All of this hard work is going to pay off and we'll be happy and secure. I don't want anything big or fancy. Just contentment. I want next Thursday to come quickly. Doesn't it seem so far away? I can't believe that's the next night I don't work... it's my next chance to make things alright. It's too far away.